The overwhelming feeling of excitement and nervousness was completely consuming me, I sat quietly waiting in desperate hope of seeing a familiar face, and nothing yet however was early. I look forward and there she is, an amazingly tall woman, thin, brittle, short blonde hair, and a serious face with a slight hint of excitement dwelling within it. Our eyes meet and I smile an awkward smile, she smiles back but her smile is telling me that I’m in for a hell of a year. I’m not exactly sure how I feel, I suppose I’m slightly intimidated. I finally see two familiar faces my two friends and we sit together, as class commences I see everyone is feeling intimidates as well. Who knew AP language and composition would be so frightening, perhaps it was the teachers introduction to the course, were she stated that all those who think they can write realize they actually cannot when they take her class, however she did reassure us that once the course was over we would be more developed writers due to the amount of work we were going to have and the high demands she had for it. She was absolutely correct.

As Deborah Brandt in her article “Sponsors of Literacy” States “The concept of sponsorship helps to explain, then, a range of human relationships and ideological pressures that turn up at the scenes of literacy learning from benign sharing between adults and youths, to euphemized coercions in schools and work” (Brandt 168). Moreover, Brandt a professor of English at the University of Wisconsin-Madison is asserting that literacy and the concept of ‘sponsorship’ commonly referring to the tools we utilize for gaining literacy whether it be an individual person, a corporation, or one’s book club, inevitably have a goal and purpose for sponsoring one and that the form in which the sponsoring occurs unveils a relationship that is either benign or enforced through coercion. Which in my case was a little of both, and occurred as stated through adult to youth, from my teacher that was highly intelligent and held a more richer form of literacy that I did as “literacy as a resource becomes available to ordinary people largely through the meditations of more powerful sponsors” (Brandt 173). Nevertheless Brandt further states that “the potential of the sponsored to divert sponsors’ resources to ward ulterior projects, often projects of self-interest or self-development” is appropriation of literacy and is an invited act that I took upon myself to execute in order to succeed in my AP language and composition class, and any other classes that would require higher forms of literacy and writing. In other words I took the literacy my teacher provided and appropriated for self-interest and for self-development as well in order to be successful in the future.

It was now officially the second day of my junior year, and I was nervous knowing I had to get to my AP class next, and to my surprise I arrive in class to find that we were being assigned our first writing assignment of the year! If my memory serves me correctly our first assignment was to read Kate Chopin’s “The awakening” and do an analytical essay on it, analyzing the novel in regards to theme, foreshadowing, character analysis, symbolism…etc. That day after school I ran to the library to get the few copies of the book they had so I would not have to purchase it, and although panting for air and as red as the autumn leaves dancing around in the air I asked for the novel and received the last copy! So there I was at home in the little studio my dad build for me, due to the fact that my parents really promoted and encouraged learning and higher education, they had a desk, bookshelf and other tools built for me so that I would have a silent place to study and work for my future. So I began by orchestrating my outline on what I would introduce first second and so on, and on what elements of the novel would best suit as evidence for my analysis, it was all rather basic and general at that point. Then I really dove in and began analyzing the novel, dissecting and utilizing what fascinated me into my paper. I loved the novel, I believe I was the only one who did. I recall my classmates saying it was extremely boring and a few even said they did not bother reading it and simply got their required information of cliff notes because of how dull the reading was. So I kept my passion for the novel to myself seeing that I would not be able to relate to my peers. Nevertheless I kept reading, completely enthralled by the novel, I began to really comprehend the protagonist Edna Pontellier and her actions. The protagonist Edna was the epitome of independence to me, a symbol of freedom, her entire character was so audacious, and it intrigued me. Overall I would say It was a Very feminist novel, which is why I think I loved it so much, not only did it illustrate the overwhelming amount of social oppression women faced in the late nineteenth century along with the dreadful gender roles expected from women, but it also depicted a brave young women who attempted to break away from all the oppression society was bombarding her with by opposing it all to become independent. The resemblance of the novel to my absolute favorite novel being Oscar Wilde’s “The picture of Dorian Gray” is what ultimately captivated me about the novel, although Wilde’s novel is on the ideology of hedonism and Chopin’s on feminism.

I recall sitting in my desk at home and reading Chopin with Wilde’s novel right beside me as I took in every word of the novel with such a fascination that time seized to exist for the moment. I felt confident about my assignment and even began to read Oscar Wilde’s “The Picture of Dorian Gray” for the third time to compare the themes of freedom they both shared in regards to the fact that in the novels both protagonists stress the ideology of being what one wants to be opposed to what society demands and deems appropriate. Nonetheless, noting the compelling nature of the two novels I further compared their resolutions that inevitably led to deaths of the protagonists or the refutable conclusions of suicide. It was an intriguing assignment, however I would soon learn I was missing something.

As I wrote my essay I focused primarily on the social norms in the late nineteenth century and Edna’s action that were deemed degrading in that era. I also focused on Chopin’s diction, her eloquence, symbolism, and foreshadowing tools. The due date was approaching, I could not think of anything besides my paper, I was beyond excited and nervous to turn my paper in to the teacher. It reminded me a lot of the article “writing to remember and reflect” by Toby Fulwiler that is meant to aid student in writing literary narratives, nevertheless in the article Fulwiler states that as students, we all want to give our teachers our paper and hear them say the magical and esteemed words that it was really good because we’ve put so much of ourselves into it (Fulwiler 65). Dwelling on his statement now I don’t think I’ve read anything more relatable to that in my life. It’s also like Wilde’s novel when Lord Henry Wotton asked Basil Hallward why he so fervently refuses to exhibit his portrait of Dorian Gray at the Grosvenor, “I really can’t exhibit it. I have put too much of myself into It.” (Wilde 4). Those two statements were my precise thoughts and feelings at the time and they were consuming me entirely.

The due date finally arrived, it all seemed so swift like sleeping for ten minutes and later awakening to an infectious feeling of rejuvenation taking over and providing waves of energy to one. I walked to class and spoke to a few of my fellow peers before entering the classroom, they were also excited and anxious to see what the teacher had to say about our work. We walked and in unison my peers and I reached into our backpacks and pulled out our papers then stifling to the tray we all laid the papers down one after the other. The teacher was very short on the topic that day all she said was that she would try to have them all done and graded by next week and that after we received our papers we would commence revisions.

It was Friday afternoon and the winter was crisp and paralyzing, we all shuffled around outside the classroom until she came to open the door. The warmth of the classroom bombarded us all like a wave on the rocks, it was bliss. We all quickly sat, she immediately began walking around handing out the papers, however I noticed she was handing them all out face down on the desks. I felt slightly uneasy upon this discovery, but she finally came and put my paper down on my desk, face down. I took it and to my utter surprise it was consumed in red pen markings, it shook every fiber within me.

Looking at all the red pen markings was overwhelmingly difficult. In response to the fear I had of reading the red markings I did not read anything they said I simply put my paper away and began to observe. Many of my fellow peers were distraught at the sight of the white and now suddenly red papers. Others were spilling with anger and frustration. The rest I would say were puzzled and very absorbed by their papers, taking their time as they analyzed their feedback with a look of disbelief in their face. It was after school now and I was standing in line to buy football tickets for that night, the line was long so I decided to take a look at the paper and began reading the comments. My paper consisted of various “stupid” “awkward” and simply crossed out sentences and paragraphs with “?” on it. I could not stop looking at the “stupid” comment written on my paper. I guess she was correct when she said that we thought we knew how to write but in reality did not. I was suddenly filled with encouragement, I realized I was able to comprehend the assignments, I was just not able to translate my knowledge on paper. I suppose that disability at the time is something I shared with Malcolm X as he states that he “became increasingly frustrated at not being able to express what I wanted to convey in letters” (Malcolm X 1).

Filled with encouragement and determination to improve I began listening intently to her lectures, asked questions, stayed up late at night making sure my work was as perfect as I could possibly make it, and I even spoke to my peers and we began to help one another out. We acknowledged our literacy was not at the level she was demanding it to be at and with only the options of improving and propelling forward or dropping the class, we pushed forward. Acquiring the level of literacy needed to be successful in that class and in the future was a tedious and complex task that I often struggled in. However it was that precise paper and her audacious comments that unveiled my impediment and allowed me to pin point what needed work so that I may work to improve it.

Midyear we were all meeting her demands and the class became more of a competition rather than a challenge. It was truly a great experience. Despite the early feelings of inferiority due to her methods of “constructive criticism,” it is honestly what infected everyone with a wild determination to overcome that class. I will never forget that paper and my teacher, and I am thankful for the experience although it was harsh because I was later able to pass the AP test and get into other AP classes. Reflecting on that personal experience now, I am able to see that I took the information and tools my teacher provided me with and appropriated it to my needs to advance my literacy, my self-interests in literacy, and to my development in writing as a junior in high school to a sophomore in college.

Works Cited  

Brandt, Deborah. “Sponsors of Literacy.” College Composition and Communication. 49.2 (1998): 165-185. Jstor. Web. 29 May 2015.

Fulwiler, Toby. College writing: a personal approach to academic writing, 3rd ed. Portsmouth, NH : Boynton/Cook Publishers, Inc. 2002.

Malcolm X. “Learning to read and Write.”The Autobiography of Malcolm x. New York: Random House, 1964. Web. 29 May 2015.

Wilde, Oscar. The picture of Dorian Gray. New York: Barnes & Noble books, 2003. print.